Birthday Thoughts and Thanks

This is three days late but this still counts. On my birthday morning, I woke up with my mother greeting me and rubbing in how old, er, young I am. But I really don’t look like my age *cough* and I try not to. I went to the clinic once and when the nurse asked me how old I was, I swear I completely forgot that it took me a whole minute to give an honest answer. She threw me an incredulous look but believed me anyway. I realized sometimes I deny it too much I actually confuse myself.

This was a generally better birthday than last year and I still have so much to be grateful for especially during these trying times. For the most part, I am okay, far from perfect, but I’m okay. Sure I could do better, like if I could have my own Macbook, a Nikon D90, a scanner, a Wacom Intuos 4 or a long all-expenses paid vacation to somewhere my worries become a distant insignificant memory. But I promised myself that I’d dedicate my wishes to far more important issues than my petty materialistic ones.

I wish that everybody else be spared from any more storms or natural calamities that would cause further destruction because enough damage has already been done. I wish that the next president would really be the one to redeem us from this god-forsaken country but I’m not saying he should be the next Messiah either. At the very least, his sincerity to serve will result in implementing reforms that will provide genuine benefits for the long term and he isn’t running just because of some ulterior business motive, a need to uphold a lofty family name or just because of some pressure from the same old corrupt government a*holes for their selfish intentions.

Another year older but only a bit wiser. Just a bit. I’m still the last person to ask for sound advice about the ways of the world. I’m also still suffering from this so-called quarterlife crisis, which ranges in intensity every now and then. It usually heightens when I hear another peer getting married or having kids or establishing a lucrative career on another part of the planet and I’m reminded of my static status quo. Other times, it helps if I temporarily dismiss it by escaping to other worlds where everything gets resolved before the credits roll. Other times I deal with it by convincing myself that this would all get better someday. Little by little and with a bit of work, I really am starting to believe that.

Anyway. Some thanks are in order.

Thanks for those who dropped their greetings whether through facebook, twitter, plurk, chat, email, text or personal. No matter what the medium, point is they cared enough to remember.

Thanks who kept in touch in spite of time, distance and whatever else that came in between. Thank you for being persistent enough to keep coming back.

Of course, my family all the way to the nephews and nieces. We just keep growing each year, don’t we?

Special mention to the Casework team. We’ve really grown too attached to each other, whether we openly care to admit or not.

And to the one who never fails to cheer me up. Babalik ka rin sa Pilipinas at magkakaron din ako ng picture na magkasama tayo.

And to those who forgot but too shy to greet me anyway, I’d find a way to get back at you.

And here’s looking forward to a merry, merry Christmas.

SL, among other things

I sound like a cross between a Christian Bale’s Batman voice and Inday Badiday right now. About two years ago,  same exact thing happened just days before my birthday and I was coughing my lungs out, I swear I see bits of pale pink chunks come out. What is it about growing old and getting flu? I think the stress of getting older but not getting anywhere is beating up my immune system. Or it’s just a subtle reminder that I need to take vitamins again. I’m probably not as strong and resilient as I think I am.

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Here’s a couple of stuff I’m interested in watching, in this post summer-movie season when rare gems sometimes emerge from the slump. I’ve included some TV shows on the line up.

• 500 Days of Summer – Good reviews so far and since I’m on a string of chick flicks lately, I need to catch the one that apparently makes the other ones “immature and outdated”.
• Where the Wild Things Are – I’ve no idea about the book but again, I’m in it because it’s a break from the usual stuff.
• Community – I love Joel McHale. I tune into The Soup partly, no, mostly because of him. I can’t figure out anyone who could inject comedic timing and wit in the same breath as he does, at least in that show. I’m glad this series is picked for a more few more episodes, happy to see Joel having success outside E!. He deserves it.
• FlashForward – Another one of those conspiracy themed shows. Although I probably need to catch up with Lost first because picking up on another one. 

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One thing that perked me up in the last minutes of this sick shift, I just saw Carlo Vergara add my Zaturnnah fanart to his favorites. It probably isnt’ much, but just to have an original creator take notice of some humble fan art of mine is a big freakin’ deal. I remember I got high when I found out Carlo Pagulayan commented on my multiply blog about Panday. Ha. The simple joys of being a struggling artist. One little recognition can go a long, long way.

Pre-Birthday Musings

It’s probably a long shot that any of these would be granted in about three weeks but there’s no harm in pitching them out in the open anyway. I might have some secret fairy godmother somewhere who’ll hand me these in one magic wave of a wand.

1. Either a Wii or PS3.
2. Nikon D60 or D90.
3. Just a genuine reason for a genuine smile that day
4. Please don’t make me cry for the wrong reasons
5. Just let me know if this is going anywhere. Generally I’m okay but I still keep getting rattled when it walks my way. And I couldn’t shake off this nagging feeling that there is still a mighty good reason why this keeps coming back. 
6. That White Toblerone Cheesecake the trainer told me about, from Salcedo Village, IIRC
7. No more supertyphoons. Please.

Nineteen days to go. Good luck to me.

Slept All Day, Almost Literally

I’ve slept through my three-day weekend, 12 hours last Saturday and 12 hours yesterday. There goes 24 hours I can never take back. When I should have done some personal projects and edited official ones, I’ve wasted a perfectly good rainy day by sleeping right through it.  My lethargy is getting worse. I need to stay away from my bed. Just the mere feel and sight of it makes me doze off. That’s probably how comfortable I am with that thing.

Here were some stuff I should have completed.

1. Jubei of Ninja Scroll. Another one of those pro bono jobs. I’m still waiting for the day I make my first buck out of this.
2. Vector portraits. Pro bono job again. I’ve commissioned three so far, all freakin’ free.
3. New mug cover. Was playing around with another Shakespearean influence, this time more relevant.
4. Edited product packaging. I was aiming for mini cakes, and my brother told me it looked more like a box of paper clips or prescription meds. So first product: huge epic fail. I have to pass it by Saturday just to get it off my shoulders at last. 
5. More projects for my online portfolio. This would take the most time, I think. I need to know where I should concentrate. Right now, my focus is still practicing more on vector and digital paintings.

Sa Ugoy ni Ondoy

A Walk in the Rain

none of these were moving

I prepared to launch a litany of my unforgettable commute yesterday afternoon. I’ve spent hours queuing at the MRT, a few seconds of being crushed by a mob, all the while verging on tears of disappointment and exhaustion. It was only when I got home, watching news clip after news clip of disheartening images, did it finally dawn on me that I actually had it easy.  Compared to those still stranded waiting for a ride that won’t come for hours, cars paralyzed for the rest of the night, people helpless and drenched on their rooftops crying for rescue and everyone else still surrounded by rising floodwaters, my four-hour experience seemed like a joy ride, especially considering I never even had to wade through the flood just to get home.

But this isn’t schadenfreude. I really feel a genuine sympathy for those severely affected. I’ve never seen this extent of damage so close to home. Milenyo was a memorable devastation on its own, but Ondoy was a whole other catastrophic ballgame. There are scenes straight out of an apocalyptic movie you’d never want to witness in real life. It suddenly feels weird to continue your normal life when within your six degrees of separation, people are still dazed and can’t even begin to imagine where and how to start their lives all over.

I’ve been detached from the latest updates so I can’t gauge how the government is acting upon this unexpected disaster. Our cable’s been out for the day and frankly, my Internet is too unreliable. But in the grander scheme of things, my problems are worthless. There are far more pressing matters to attend to and these people need all the help they can get. Now this is where the power of social networking amazes me. The rest of the world has been aware of this country’s call for aid, all in real time.

This is a wake-up call. The full wrath of global warming is beginning to descend upon thee. Repent all ye major sinners of carbon emmissions and thee reckless users of the environment. Repent thee all lest we suffer greater vengeance from mother nature, for the reckless acts we’ve committed upon thou.

Stuck Somewhere in LRT-Quirino

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pics taken from LRT-Quirino Ave. Yeah, I know this isn’t much compared to the harder-hit areas. But I had to take the picture. This was for the books, even on a personal note.

Tempus Fugit 2009

It’s my self-imposed tradition of throwing that phrase around this time of year. Once the -ber months step in, I have this natural tendency to evaluate the past months, though I still can’t figure out why the early Christmas songs in the air and this country’s globally acknowledged longest holiday season has me in self-assessment mode. It’s the time for checking if I ever inched forward at all, slid backward or just plain status quo.

Life’s still a drag and a whole lot of blahs, but it’s really nothing new I can’t deal with or ignore. What’s news is I now find myself in a sort-of semi-school too as my healthy distraction. Although I could pick off the net for free what I paid a whole lot of bucks for, altogether sacrificing precious sleep and social life over it, I can’t say for sure if this is worth it. Yet. The only thing I’m sure about is this is the closest I’ve ever come to where I see myself in the long run. This is just one step closer and what comes after is still a whole lot of work, I might as well be starting from scratch.

This time last year, I was somersaulting in stress and over stupid irrational things that aren’t getting anywhere and won’t let themselves end. I’m at least thankful I’m doing a whole lot better now. And I have a few months left to wait and see if still things pick up for the better.

Presidential Requiem

Borrowed from peyups. Credit goes to whoever owns the image

I was raised to recognize her as the living icon of democracy, a humble housewife with no political experience who liberated this country from a 20-year oppressive regime. But that glowing reputation got tainted after what I learned in college of the twisted inner workings of politics in this country. I lost my respect for her even more after her more recent political convictions. When news broke out her cancer was getting worse, I expected her to die soon enough.

What I didn’t expect was the overwhelming positive response for her. Suddenly she’s a celebrated hero and all the generous accolades were being thrown her way. Even her detractors now have nothing but good words. It made me ask why didn’t they glorify her this much while she was battling the disease to at least have made her feel better. Whether it’s hypocrisy or people getting carried away with their grief at the moment, it’s always so ironic you only realize the value of someone when they’re dead.

The yellow ribbons everywhere took me back to a nostalgic trip to 1986, and since I was too young to remember or appreciate had happened then, I content myself with my father’s stories. I could argue that the impact of the first EDSA revolution doesn’t resonate now and didn’t make any significant contribution to the radical improvement of this country’s situation but the martial law babies could convince me otherwise. It served its purpose of granting newfound freedom to a country who’d been suffering two decades of dictatorship. A peaceful revolution that radiated its message throughout the world and gave pride and hope to Filipinos everywhere. And to lead this new start for democracy was Cory Aquino. If I look back on her death in that respect, I can understand where all the outpouring of praises and sympathy for her is coming from.

She carries the legacy of that momentous historic event that made Filipinos the darling of the world community at one point. For that you’d always have something unforgettable to thank her for besides Kris Aquino. Ulterior political motives, attention seekers, kibitzers, and questionable sincerity in paying final respects aside, the rare occasions when Filipinos unite for a common positive sentiment still gives me a glimmer of hope for this country. If only we could finally channel this unity into a greater good for the long term.

A Cowgirl’s Tale

I submitted this for my concept art project: some girl leaning against a fence in a grassy sunkissed outdoors. I initially had two choices, either I create a mascot for an existing or imaginary company or create a costume and describe it in detail, the fabric, accessories, etc. I thought the easier way out was a mascot. Besides, I don’t think it took much conceptualizing to come up with Grimace and up to now, it still remains a mystery what the hell it is and what’s its business in the fastfood industry. I could have drawn some huge emoticon with a perpetual grin on its face to represent some made-up kiddie restaurant and get away with it.

But I didn’t want to make one for the heck of it, so I squeezed my creative juices dry for a week to come up with something different. Turns out it wasn’t that easy and I badly realized I’m not the most creative person I know contrary to what people think. In a least expected moment, a harmless conversation about bookstores sparked an interesting idea. Kids aren’t into books too much these days so what better way to lure them into reading than a huge lovable mascot. And there it is. Suddenly, I was slowly visualizing a bespectacled owl doing some storytelling.

After some initial sketches, I dropped the whole thing entirely. The owl looked dumb and amateurish. If I was going to show off anything I learned, a big bird wasn’t going to do it. It took me a whole week to come up with an idea and now I’m going have to shove it. At this point I only had about five days before the deadline. I’ve wasted a good amount of time and panic was crawling up to here.

The costume was the natural last resort. The problem with it was the possibilities are endless. My imagination was dysfunctional from cramming so I searched my memory for some bright inspiration. Ideas unfortunately don’t materialize out of thin air when they’re most necessary. They usually spring up like mushroom after a rainstorm and even mushrooms have to be planted. So the concept for the cowgirl was planted by a Hannah Montana trailer and recent company activities. I actually got excited, did some preliminary research and voila, the girl with the hat is born.

There are two undeniable facts I learned in the two days I labored over my graphics tablet for this drawing: I totally suck with penciling and I am probably a better colorist than I give myself credit for. Ever since, my strength lies in the snazzing up the basic lines with splashes of colors. I’ve proven it once again with project, and in just a comparative glance between the original work from my sketch pad and the finished digital product, you see where the huge difference lies.

The final printed picture turned out to be pretty amazing, modesty aside, if not for the glaring mistakes that didn’t capture my attention while working on it. Of course, this is my personal judgment. I don’t know how outsiders might see it, or my teacher for that matter. Maybe he’ll note that the legs and neck are a tad too long and that I didn’t clean up my lines too thoroughly. The unerased lines, overlapping misplaced colors and the misproportion that are so blatantly obvious at a blown up size.

I’m not even sure if I passed the right paper size. It’s probably a long shot I’d get a proficiency grade at it but it never hurts to hope a little. Just not expect too much. I did what I could, I probably could have done better but the cowgirl’s fate lies in my good ole teacher now.

Random

My system is acting up again. It’s like more hurried for the weekend than we are. In lieu of getting any work done, here’s more random stuff for the sake of updating this.

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Our loyal dog just died recently of old age. He’s been whimpering over a week prior, couldn’t stand, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t even bark. Watching him writhing from whatever doggie disease eating him and not being able to help in any way was excruciating. First time in my life I ever cried that much for a pet. For almost 14 years, I’ve been so used to hear him barking everytime I arrive. It takes some getting used not to see him at that usual spot anymore.

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I am still listless. But when I said I needed something to perk me up, I never meant it had to be about work. Let work be as quiet as I perceive it to be. There might be a ton of crap bubbling underneath but I’d rather not be fully aware of it. Once again, my apathy proves to be most useful at times like these. Hopefully, I can keep it up for as long as I have to.

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There’s another supermarket being built in our area. That makes five major grocery stores within a mile radius, equal to the number of drugstores also within that radius. For me that’s plain overkill. Twenty years ago, this was a quaint suburban subdivision but now there are far more tricycles than there are people. How many supermarkets and drugstores and tricycles can this middle class community afford anyway?

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System is not getting any better. But I have to get back to work anyway.

From Robots to Candles

Got out and watched Terminator Salvation, that movie where Christian Bale got videotaped mercilessly exploding expletives during shooting. This one is also extremely explosive on another level and an overload of machines and cars and robots blowing off in all imaginable intensity. They also get really loud, I’d half expect some shard of debris would fly off the screen and onto the audience. I’m a little confused with the timeline but I might have been too blown away by the kick awesome special effects to pay complete attention to the logic and sense of the whole story.

My major complain was everything felt mechanical, even on the human aspect of it. There’s almost a sense of detachment from the characters. Sam Worthington felt more human that Christian Bale, and Worthington was supposedly the robotic one. He’s like a gentler version of Liev Schrieber with a mixed up Australian accent. Kyle Reese is apparently also the 17-year-old Russian guy from Star Trek, minus the accent. I’ve never heard or seen him before this summer movie season so I think he’s being extremely lucky to star in two huge blockbuster movies in a year. Percy Bryce Howard looked twenty years older, I almost didn’t recognize her.

Best thing I enjoyed was the last few scenes throwback to the second terminator movie. I’m not sure if the rest of audience even noticed but I seriously felt a geekish excitement creeping up. As Christian Bale gets hunted down by the T-800, Edward Furlong’s classic Terminator chase scenes with T-1000 flashes and a fangirlish squeal almost came out of me. Almost. I probably watched the Terminator sequel more times than I could count. For me, it’s still one of the coolest sci-fi movie by 90s standards.

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After two hours of testosterone fueled action sequences, I went home and watched Sixteen Candles. The past few days I have this weird need to watch a chick flick. I decided to mellow it down and watched a cult teen romcom ’80s classic. High school movies always make me nostalgic. Ah, to be naive again, stripped of any heavy responsibility and that your biggest worry is that your high school crush might finally notice you even exist. Too bad that Jake Ryan guy didn’t have a long-term Hollywood career. He’s too gorgeous to be ignored.