Rant

Just had an six injections in under two hours and two of them are insanely excruciating. I instinctively flinch on injections but I can still pretty much go through with it. But that skin allergy test was another world of hurt. Though the nurse did warn me it was going to be painful, never did I realize it was that awful. It was so intense that I was swearing my life out even though I was sitting directly across an old man on ventilator fighting for dear life.

When the pain started radiating through every inch of my arm, I could swear my vision blanked out white for a second. It’s almost like every tiny hair on my arm is being plucked out at the same time, taking bits of skin along with it. And I had to endure that on both arms. Just remembering it is making me wince.

All that because our three-year old dog bit me hard on the wrist even though I’ve played with it for as long as we had him. It’s true what they say how you could have done something absently over and over then in one snap, everything could get screwed. There could have been a million times my afternoon could have ended differently. I could have just gotten ready for church, or cooked merienda or continued watching Chuck or surfed the internet more, or I could have gotten a surprise phone call from Kris Allen, anything to avoid that dog for ten seconds of my life but something made me go there, like I did a hundred times. He was never aggressive with me before so why should another five seconds make any difference.

The bite felt like being punctured quick and deep by a pen. As soon as I saw the cut, my vision turned a faded black and white. I couldn’t move my wrist from the pain. My mother was frantic, like she usually is in emergency situations, but my brother took care of it immediately. He and my father accompanied me to every hospital and took charge of everything. I’ve never been more thankful for having a nurse brother. Thank God for wonderful parents too, they could have yelled at me and blamed me for being careless about the dog, but they didn’t. But I die a little inside every time I see my parents this worried.

My brother kept telling me that there is some good thing that will come out of this medical mess, just to cancel out the negativity. Maybe I’ll finally find and end up with a nice guy who won’t ruin my life. Maybe a nice stroke of jackpot will come our way, like100-million pesos worth. Whatever positive thing that’ll come, I really appreciate his optimism at a time like this.

Although now I can’t even look at our dog, much more get even near it, I still don’t hate dogs. I thought about it, especially during the maddening injection, but I can’t curse dogs. I like them less now but just because one dog attacked me means I would hate the rest of them. It’s like I can’t hate every guy just because one of them is an asshole. True a lot of dogs are aggressive and a lot of men are assholes, but a fault of one cannot apply to everybody. I just need a bit of time to be more friendly with them again and be more careful about dogs tenfold. Anything to avoid the torture of the skin allergy test.

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The title I picked up from Chuck Palahniuk’s book. It’s about time travel, and a guy who gets a kick and a boner from animal bites, and thus becoming the highly potent carrier of the great American rabies outbreak. Two weeks after reading it, I get bitten by a dog. Go figure.

Funny Story

On my way home from working on a midshift, the taxi driver had the AM radio broadcasting Bandila with Marlene Aguilar wailing about his unconditional devotion for her gun-hungry murderous son, which made for an interesting topic for a small talk. Manong was throwing big phrases like “rules of engagement” and “psyhotic paranoia” into the conversation. He was rather talkative and kept jumping from one current events to another. When he probably run out of political commentary, he jumped into another topic.

Manong: Hindi po ba naghihintay ang mister nyo pag ganitong ginagabi kayo ng uwi?
Me: (stunned silence) Ay hindi po manong, nasa abroad po sya.
*end of conversation*

I answered that straightfaced but I was this close to cracking up alone in said taxi. I’m pretty used to being mistaken for a high school, college student or anyone younger (ahem) but being married? Ha, this was a first. What is it in that dark car that made me look old enough to be married? On the other hand, at least I wasn’t mistaken for having kids or, gulp, being pregnant. If I got carried away enough, I’d have given manong a short summary of two-year marriage to an engineer working in London.

But today I was called “ale” when I was passing my fare to the jeepney driver. I’m usually called ”Ne” (short for nene, because at times I could pass for a kid) but this was different. Huh, maybe I have to face the sad truth that I really am looking much older than I care to admit.

The 2010 That Was

Spurred by boredom, I finally had enough inspiration to come up with a more fitting year end summary. I’m ending it on a positive note since I started out 2009 feeling a renewed optimism. Never mind that I wasn’t really sure where it was coming from, but point is, in retrospect, my gut feel was right. Though it wasn’t exactly s the most colorful and happening thing around, I’m pretty sure last year was still definitely a hell lot better than the one before it.

Rekindling my artistic side and taking up Saturday classes was one major accomplishment. It gave me some excuse to practice and test my creativity, although it’s been costing me sleep, money and my precious social life. I’m not even sure if this would all pay off handsomely someday but it helps to do something I really want for a change.

I also got into deep with fangirling, which sometimes borders on absurd, weird and silly and a bit amateurish but heck, this is pure harmless fun. Feels nice to interact with people who are, um, as passionate or more about someone as you are. And you can’t help but go crazy over him anyway. He’s too damn perfect that the flaws I could see are the huge alien forehead and the tummy. But the tummy kinda looks adorable in him sometimes so I reallycouldn’t count that against him. I can keep on going about the reasons why he’s preoccupied more than half my yearbut I’ve been keeping my fangirling in check.

Another monumental achievement was being able to last this long after what I’ve had to deal with the past year. Now I’ve grown a sort of numb dependence to this job, especially considering I started out this thing torn between tearing my hair out half the time and jumping off the 40th floor window.

Most important lesson I have to keep in mind for 2010 is to listen to my own advice. I cannot reiterate that to myself enough. I give these perceptive tidbits of wisdom to people in need of it but when it comes to my own issues, I hardly listen to myself. Therefore, I should practice what I preach for consistency’s sake.

So my predictions for 2010 is that it would more awesome than this one. I’m gonna trust my instinct on this again. It didn’t fail me the last time.

Notes to Self

Am now updating outdated blog while waiting for my torrents download to finish.

• Should buy earphones since Phillips is acting erratic. With just one slight turn and tug, the sound suddenly disappears. I’m blaming this on my rather rash handling of my earphones. I think I’m gonna invest on a more expensive, sturdier earphone, in preparation for my own portable media player.
• Speaking of which,  so much for my X-Fi2 plans. My phone and Acertron comes first for the meantime since they’re the ones I need and use most. I’ll postpone my X-Fi2 plans for three months. Hopefully by then it’d finally be available in this country.
• Buy new cost efficient, functional and more durable phone. Stay away from slide phones, flip tops and touch screens. Will not take coolness into much consideration when buying. I will not buy an expensive phone now and then find out the price drops in half by next month. It’s just not worth it.
• Upgrade Acertron’s memory. I am this close to breaking it open when I run out of patience when it lags. I’m not thinking of buying a new one for sentimental reasons. Not unless someone actually wants to buy this at a fairly reasonable price.
• New eyeglasses and contacts as soon as possible.
• New graphics tablet. Preferably Wacom.
• Probably a scanner
• Read my unread books just staring at me from my bookshelf
• Buy new bookshelf and more dolls. Yes, dolls. It’s probably weird but I really collect them. I have diverse interests. From collecting Batman graphic novels to stacking Coraline dolls.
• Have to finish all pending art projects. I have two, I think.

Birthday Thoughts and Thanks

This is three days late but this still counts. On my birthday morning, I woke up with my mother greeting me and rubbing in how old, er, young I am. But I really don’t look like my age *cough* and I try not to. I went to the clinic once and when the nurse asked me how old I was, I swear I completely forgot that it took me a whole minute to give an honest answer. She threw me an incredulous look but believed me anyway. I realized sometimes I deny it too much I actually confuse myself.

This was a generally better birthday than last year and I still have so much to be grateful for especially during these trying times. For the most part, I am okay, far from perfect, but I’m okay. Sure I could do better, like if I could have my own Macbook, a Nikon D90, a scanner, a Wacom Intuos 4 or a long all-expenses paid vacation to somewhere my worries become a distant insignificant memory. But I promised myself that I’d dedicate my wishes to far more important issues than my petty materialistic ones.

I wish that everybody else be spared from any more storms or natural calamities that would cause further destruction because enough damage has already been done. I wish that the next president would really be the one to redeem us from this god-forsaken country but I’m not saying he should be the next Messiah either. At the very least, his sincerity to serve will result in implementing reforms that will provide genuine benefits for the long term and he isn’t running just because of some ulterior business motive, a need to uphold a lofty family name or just because of some pressure from the same old corrupt government a*holes for their selfish intentions.

Another year older but only a bit wiser. Just a bit. I’m still the last person to ask for sound advice about the ways of the world. I’m also still suffering from this so-called quarterlife crisis, which ranges in intensity every now and then. It usually heightens when I hear another peer getting married or having kids or establishing a lucrative career on another part of the planet and I’m reminded of my static status quo. Other times, it helps if I temporarily dismiss it by escaping to other worlds where everything gets resolved before the credits roll. Other times I deal with it by convincing myself that this would all get better someday. Little by little and with a bit of work, I really am starting to believe that.

Anyway. Some thanks are in order.

Thanks for those who dropped their greetings whether through facebook, twitter, plurk, chat, email, text or personal. No matter what the medium, point is they cared enough to remember.

Thanks who kept in touch in spite of time, distance and whatever else that came in between. Thank you for being persistent enough to keep coming back.

Of course, my family all the way to the nephews and nieces. We just keep growing each year, don’t we?

Special mention to the Casework team. We’ve really grown too attached to each other, whether we openly care to admit or not.

And to the one who never fails to cheer me up. Babalik ka rin sa Pilipinas at magkakaron din ako ng picture na magkasama tayo.

And to those who forgot but too shy to greet me anyway, I’d find a way to get back at you.

And here’s looking forward to a merry, merry Christmas.

SL, among other things

I sound like a cross between a Christian Bale’s Batman voice and Inday Badiday right now. About two years ago,  same exact thing happened just days before my birthday and I was coughing my lungs out, I swear I see bits of pale pink chunks come out. What is it about growing old and getting flu? I think the stress of getting older but not getting anywhere is beating up my immune system. Or it’s just a subtle reminder that I need to take vitamins again. I’m probably not as strong and resilient as I think I am.

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Here’s a couple of stuff I’m interested in watching, in this post summer-movie season when rare gems sometimes emerge from the slump. I’ve included some TV shows on the line up.

• 500 Days of Summer – Good reviews so far and since I’m on a string of chick flicks lately, I need to catch the one that apparently makes the other ones “immature and outdated”.
• Where the Wild Things Are – I’ve no idea about the book but again, I’m in it because it’s a break from the usual stuff.
• Community – I love Joel McHale. I tune into The Soup partly, no, mostly because of him. I can’t figure out anyone who could inject comedic timing and wit in the same breath as he does, at least in that show. I’m glad this series is picked for a more few more episodes, happy to see Joel having success outside E!. He deserves it.
• FlashForward – Another one of those conspiracy themed shows. Although I probably need to catch up with Lost first because picking up on another one. 

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One thing that perked me up in the last minutes of this sick shift, I just saw Carlo Vergara add my Zaturnnah fanart to his favorites. It probably isnt’ much, but just to have an original creator take notice of some humble fan art of mine is a big freakin’ deal. I remember I got high when I found out Carlo Pagulayan commented on my multiply blog about Panday. Ha. The simple joys of being a struggling artist. One little recognition can go a long, long way.

Pre-Birthday Musings

It’s probably a long shot that any of these would be granted in about three weeks but there’s no harm in pitching them out in the open anyway. I might have some secret fairy godmother somewhere who’ll hand me these in one magic wave of a wand.

1. Either a Wii or PS3.
2. Nikon D60 or D90.
3. Just a genuine reason for a genuine smile that day
4. Please don’t make me cry for the wrong reasons
5. Just let me know if this is going anywhere. Generally I’m okay but I still keep getting rattled when it walks my way. And I couldn’t shake off this nagging feeling that there is still a mighty good reason why this keeps coming back. 
6. That White Toblerone Cheesecake the trainer told me about, from Salcedo Village, IIRC
7. No more supertyphoons. Please.

Nineteen days to go. Good luck to me.

Slept All Day, Almost Literally

I’ve slept through my three-day weekend, 12 hours last Saturday and 12 hours yesterday. There goes 24 hours I can never take back. When I should have done some personal projects and edited official ones, I’ve wasted a perfectly good rainy day by sleeping right through it.  My lethargy is getting worse. I need to stay away from my bed. Just the mere feel and sight of it makes me doze off. That’s probably how comfortable I am with that thing.

Here were some stuff I should have completed.

1. Jubei of Ninja Scroll. Another one of those pro bono jobs. I’m still waiting for the day I make my first buck out of this.
2. Vector portraits. Pro bono job again. I’ve commissioned three so far, all freakin’ free.
3. New mug cover. Was playing around with another Shakespearean influence, this time more relevant.
4. Edited product packaging. I was aiming for mini cakes, and my brother told me it looked more like a box of paper clips or prescription meds. So first product: huge epic fail. I have to pass it by Saturday just to get it off my shoulders at last. 
5. More projects for my online portfolio. This would take the most time, I think. I need to know where I should concentrate. Right now, my focus is still practicing more on vector and digital paintings.

Sa Ugoy ni Ondoy

A Walk in the Rain

none of these were moving

I prepared to launch a litany of my unforgettable commute yesterday afternoon. I’ve spent hours queuing at the MRT, a few seconds of being crushed by a mob, all the while verging on tears of disappointment and exhaustion. It was only when I got home, watching news clip after news clip of disheartening images, did it finally dawn on me that I actually had it easy.  Compared to those still stranded waiting for a ride that won’t come for hours, cars paralyzed for the rest of the night, people helpless and drenched on their rooftops crying for rescue and everyone else still surrounded by rising floodwaters, my four-hour experience seemed like a joy ride, especially considering I never even had to wade through the flood just to get home.

But this isn’t schadenfreude. I really feel a genuine sympathy for those severely affected. I’ve never seen this extent of damage so close to home. Milenyo was a memorable devastation on its own, but Ondoy was a whole other catastrophic ballgame. There are scenes straight out of an apocalyptic movie you’d never want to witness in real life. It suddenly feels weird to continue your normal life when within your six degrees of separation, people are still dazed and can’t even begin to imagine where and how to start their lives all over.

I’ve been detached from the latest updates so I can’t gauge how the government is acting upon this unexpected disaster. Our cable’s been out for the day and frankly, my Internet is too unreliable. But in the grander scheme of things, my problems are worthless. There are far more pressing matters to attend to and these people need all the help they can get. Now this is where the power of social networking amazes me. The rest of the world has been aware of this country’s call for aid, all in real time.

This is a wake-up call. The full wrath of global warming is beginning to descend upon thee. Repent all ye major sinners of carbon emmissions and thee reckless users of the environment. Repent thee all lest we suffer greater vengeance from mother nature, for the reckless acts we’ve committed upon thou.

Stuck Somewhere in LRT-Quirino

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pics taken from LRT-Quirino Ave. Yeah, I know this isn’t much compared to the harder-hit areas. But I had to take the picture. This was for the books, even on a personal note.

Tempus Fugit 2009

It’s my self-imposed tradition of throwing that phrase around this time of year. Once the -ber months step in, I have this natural tendency to evaluate the past months, though I still can’t figure out why the early Christmas songs in the air and this country’s globally acknowledged longest holiday season has me in self-assessment mode. It’s the time for checking if I ever inched forward at all, slid backward or just plain status quo.

Life’s still a drag and a whole lot of blahs, but it’s really nothing new I can’t deal with or ignore. What’s news is I now find myself in a sort-of semi-school too as my healthy distraction. Although I could pick off the net for free what I paid a whole lot of bucks for, altogether sacrificing precious sleep and social life over it, I can’t say for sure if this is worth it. Yet. The only thing I’m sure about is this is the closest I’ve ever come to where I see myself in the long run. This is just one step closer and what comes after is still a whole lot of work, I might as well be starting from scratch.

This time last year, I was somersaulting in stress and over stupid irrational things that aren’t getting anywhere and won’t let themselves end. I’m at least thankful I’m doing a whole lot better now. And I have a few months left to wait and see if still things pick up for the better.